If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
