giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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