also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's blow job season.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
