someone threw a dead crab at me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
