Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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