The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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