She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he was CRYING into my vagina
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
