His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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