I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
