I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
