You smell like stripper and shame
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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