i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Small penises have feelings too.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
