Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
