Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize