I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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