I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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