Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
