I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
