So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
