he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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