you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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