Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
