You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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