Pappa wants mamma naked
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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