I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm always down for nudity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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