Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
