TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
