he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
