Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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