Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
