My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
