Michael Bay diarrhea
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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