god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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