its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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