JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
