i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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