Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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