operation have a gay friend backfired
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
