everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
