that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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