He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
