she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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