one two three fourrrrnication!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
