3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the condom got lost in my hair
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
