I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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