Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
