OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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