It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
