After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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