You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
