I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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