Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
