I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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