I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
