I will die if light touches me.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
