Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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