I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
