Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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