We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
