If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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