I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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