2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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