Welp...herpes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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