Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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