He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
