Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
