my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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