tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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