Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
