It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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