Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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