Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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