just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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