She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
