i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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